Dagen 226

Okej..jag pallar inte stava och skit idag.. Så vi kör svenskii.. Var allmänt trött igår. Fick för mig att färga håret, så där lagom sent. Så nu är jag svinröd på vissa ställen, svart på andra. Röd på öron, panna, hals mm och jag får inte bort det.. Meen vem fan bryr sig..:P

Drar snart till göteborg över helgen. Med Katti, Camilla o Gina.. Kan nog bli jätteskoj. Jag har dock packat för en hel månad. Dock är det mest kudde o sprit som tog plats. Det enda man behöver hihi.
Sonen ska till pappa men allt det överlåter jag med glädje till H. Han tyckte det skulle bli skönt att få vara ensam hemma en hel helg. Jag kontra med att jag gärna kan åka iväg fler gånger.. amsterdam en helg, någon?? Bara säg till..hahah

Vi får se när och om jag kommer hem.. Ska ta massa foton till er.. ^^ Man borde kanske gå o powernappa innan..hihi

Dagen 224

It is almost the middle of the night. I am alone. Anton is sleeping and H is in his garage. He has been nearly all day. Which is both good and bad. I like my alone time but it can get a bit boring since I am finding myself hard to entertain.. Haven't really done anything of importance today. Made a list of things to pack for the weekend. Me and the bitches is going on a road-trip to Göteborg. I am really looking forward to it cause it will be a good break in my boring vacation-time. I feel it will be a crazy weekend but in a very good way.

I feel like a greasy pig today, I look like one to. It is very nice in a freaky way. My hair is like butter, my body smells..well..different.. My nails are in many different lengths which I hate. I have to color my hair, my outgrowth is ridiculous. I need to shave my legs, really bad. I could wax them if I wanted to..hihi.. I did how ever wax my lip. I could grow a moustache if I wanted to :D So now my lips look like two huge pussy lips..and I didn't even get it all.. Well fuck it..who gives a shit..?!

I have been struggling with a feeling today. And now when it is almost night my brain gives up the smart way of thinking and the more emotional shit kicks in. A very smart man told me once that you should never trust your thoughts in the middle of the night. It is just the brain fucking with you.. And it is soo true. Every time I made a bad decision it was made in the middle of the night. Maybe time to learn? :P
This time I will...learn that is.. I will NOT do as my brain wants me to and just leave it at that. Nothing good can come from doing anything anyway.. Confused?? Me to =)

It is the first day of Ramadan today. So Ramadan Kareem to all Muslims out there. I don't know how you do it, I would go crazy without food and drinks ( and no sex haha) during the day so all luck to you.

Now I will go to bed..all greased up and feeling piggy :P

Dagen 222

Ahh I am grumpy. I got woken up today by a freakin' alarm-bell. H had sat his phone to ring at 8. Why?? I have noo idea. The only thing that happens is (like always) I wake up and H don't. I get up and H don't. And I bug him until he gets mad haha. But I am still tired.. I need to get some coffee today I think. I seldom have coffee in the morning, never when I work, sometimes on weekends. If I have coffee it is usually in the afternoon.

Yesterday it rain all day and I really mean ALL DAY. I wanted to go for a powerwalk in the morning, that feeling passed when I stuck my head outside. Lazy? O'yes. But I really don't like rain. It is enough when I have to go out in it when I work. Clothes gets all clammy and shoes squeaks. Same shit today, the sky is all grey white something and no sun in sight. I picked the wrong weeks for vacation. I always have late vacation, like July August. Always sunny.. But noo not this year.. it is depressing. I spent my day in the best way, alone =) H was mostly in his garage and Anton was playing with his friends. They played a little too much for the old folks around here so finally a member of the board came ringing on the door nagging about what the kids done.

I have been home with Anton now for like 2 weeks. Do you know how many times I heard the word Mamma?? Several hundred times.. I drives me crazy.. Everytime he wants to talk to me : Maamma... Maamma... And he can not play be himself. So he needs attention all the time. If he doesn't get it, he plays with the cats who ends up scratching him. No surprise.. Maybe I am a very bad mum but I don't like to sit all day playing games with him, picking my favourite bakugan or watch him play playstationgames.

I have strange taste in art.. This is one of my favourite ever.. Trevor Brown.. His fetish-baby-art is soo sweet..And below is another one.. Luis Royo.. Almost same but so different. <3

I like piercings. I would not have the guts to do these once..maybe.. But they are nice, specially the corset one.. Aoutch..hihi

I acually spent a day with H in the garage. You can see for your self how much fun that was. He needed some help so what to do. At first he bitched about my help but in the end I got him to say that it turned out fucking perfect. I can do car stuff to...^^

This year I had soo many bugs on my balcony that I can't keep score. Grasshoppers, spiders and one or two Pentatomidae. They don't seem to have an english name just latin. In swedish they are called Bärfisar. And it is a proper name, they smell awful.

This last pic is of a Rose geranium. I just got it from my next door neighbour like 5 minutes ago. She has lots of them. She kept the motherplant for over 60 years. It is today a huge bush in her daughters garden. So a while back she promised me one. It is soo sweet. I will keep it on the balcony, in a cooler climate so maybe it will bloom next year. I had many before but they all died. I hope this will live..^^

Dagen 218

I had the weirdest dreams these last couple of weeks. All about nesting. I always live in a place that is not mine, maybe going to be but isn't. You know when you are staying some place and it doesn't have that “home” feeling to it. Giving me a feeling of being 14 again and this terrible urge to have my own space. But I already have a “nest” haha. Maybe I need some changes around here. And I dreamt of a Kott..hahah Kott is Desi's name for my fantasy creature. It was a small kitten but with a head of a cow. It was soooo cute. All black and white and all helpless.

Not like this but you get the picture....^^

I had an appointment at the dentist today..but I got to cancel it, me so happy.. For once I liked him haha. (Well no, he is okej but still) I couldn't really open my mouth so we agreed on doing nothing today. But still I'm up around 8isch.. No sun, no fun today.. Where is my sun??

We had sun yesterday, I went to the garage with H. He needed some help with the windscreen and some other stuff. It always takes foreveeeer. He finally dropped us of at home when I'd been on his back for like an hour. He went back and stayed all night. I don't see the thrill in it..^^ ( I hate getting dirt on my hands)

We had like half a week vacation and I am bored out of my mind. I don't feel like doing anything. We have 2.5 week to go.. How will this end?? :P Really I don't see anything good in this. I could sleep all day and do nothing, how good is that?? It usually ends up with projects, things getting started but not finished and we arguing :P We really should learn from this and plan our vacation separately.

I have to find some motivation to do something.. Or else I will end up reading books all day, being unsocial all day.. It sounds good to me but people will bug me.. And talk, and talk and talk to me...

Roach update :D (part 2)

haha I found cockroach nr 2 like two days ago. Anton woke me up hysterical shouting about a bug on the hallway floor. Not quite awake I told hem that is was rubbish and got back to sleep. When I finally got out of bed and headed for the bathroom I saw the corps. Ewwww.... So now maybe there is 1 or 2 more running round here.. I will keep you updated :D

Dagen 213

Saturday.. Not my usual “I-don't-feel-like-doing-anything” day.. But somehow it became this boring, dull and chaffy day. Spent yesterday with Dessi. I got home around 2ish last night. And went almost straight to bed. Not tired but still it was nice to get some sleep. I woke up the first time at 8. I just got up and took my pills. Penicillin and some painkillers. Not for the head but for the mouth.

I hate when you go back to sleep and then you sleep for too long. My head felt like a stone lump. It always does when I go back to sleep after waking up. H was a sleep when I got home and was still sleeping when I got up around 12.
Now 6 hours later I have accomplished nothing :D I filled up my dishwasher.. that's about it :P

And I was going to pick up my books this week, but I didn't really had any time to do it. And I have to order my school literature. Haven't even check what books I need. Motivated? Nope.. Not at all. I have to get back to work in September no matter what. And really I am too sick of it. Not just work, everything. School and work. I don't know what I want to do with my life. Can I just run away? Please...

It's been over 4 months since I last heard from ??. And I have to get it in to my thick skull that it is a lost battle. I lost you somewhere along the line and I have to realize it. It is never one's fault that two people argue so I take my part. Sometimes it is best to leave things as they are and maybe I will learn that from this. Maybe not. I am who I am, for good and for bad. But it is still my loss.. and yours.

So.. can I run away now?? I really need to...

Dagen 212

A day in hell (or three).. Literally. I had a dentist-appointment yesterday. For me that is a big fucking thing. I am sooo very afraid of them. Dentists are those who fail medical-school :P And they are evil and bitter about it, making life miserable for the rest of us. ( I know, I exaggerate..a little)

I had to set my alarm to get up..just that sux. On my holiday and all.. I had the first appointment of the day and since I am always early I met my dentist on the way up. He was very cheerful in the early morning.. Maybe a good sign..:P For over an hour he pulled and yanked in my mouth. Getting my tooth out. He even cracked my lips..you know, in the corner. It is still bleeding when I open my mouth too much so I have to keep it soft and closed hahah. ( good thing I am not so talkative..)

I got it out..or really he did.. I felt bruised and all drained out when I got out of there. He wrote me a prescription on heavy penicillin and told me to take some Ipren if I felt any pain.. It is not IF it is WHEN.. And man does it hurt..

I woke up around 4 last night and wanted to jam my head in something hard, over and over again. It felt like he was still yanking my mouth and it pounded like hell. So I had to get up, take some Ipren and pray to get some sleep. When I woke up this morning I looked like a fucking hamster, on one side of my face. And I didn't even get to hamster anything good. I had 2 shakes and some gulasch yesterday. And after I slurped down some soup (cause I mashed up the potatoes and meat) it hurt like hell... So no more food for me for a couple of days. I will have shakes, drinking them threw a straw.. And that is the one good thing about this... I am still loosing some weight. ^^

Later today Anton will go to his dad's. And I will spend some time at Desi's. I have decided to have some wine even though I am on penicillin. I need it in soo many ways haha. ( sounding like a wino hihi) And I have wanted to open that freaking bottle like forever.. But it is not fun to sit here all alone drinking so today it is. Desi need some booze to :D

I really should get some stuff out of the way today but it is soo boring and I feel off. Having no energy I feel like I'm 95. It is raining and Anton is playing so I will spend my day doing nothing.. He wanted some home-made pizza for diner. So that is all I will do today hahah. And have some Ipren.. And Dalacin.. And wine :P (good good combo)