Dagen 169

I finally got to work yesterday, painkillers working some, penicillin working better too, I functioned, some. It was a great day, sun was shining, I had some minor mishaps but nothing too big. I feel like such a rookie :P I have no routines, no clue about keys, addresses, names or places. Soo lost hahah. But it will work out..eventually. The basics are still there, somewhat. It is nice to have things to do, just studying is not too fun, I have to say. I am sick of it now.
We had a new sub at work to, her first day. I was so rude haha. She looked so familiar so I just said hey and got on with my morning planing.(and being not too social when in pain) I was so sure she had been there before cause I recognised her, but it turned out it was from school and not from work hahah. But she didn't seem too upset :D

My painkillers work surprisingly well so I decided to get my house a bit more liveable after work. It was soo nasty. So all evening I dusted, vacuumed, toilett...all shit.. I was very good, if I get to say it myself :D And I even got to eat some solid food, spaghetti and meat-sause. It was sooo good. I am such a good cook haha. I steeped in bed right after 22 and feel right asleep. Clean sheets has a very good effect on me. Even Anton stayed up later then me. He is getting soo big..^^ I really have to say I have the best son ever. He is smart, good in school, a good friend and he is soo well-mannered. He makes me so proud..

When I woke up this morning I was expecting to get up in a clean, nice smelling apartment. But nooo... Well the smell was good.. But on my living-room floor I found an empty (!!) box, cricket-food all over and some egg-cart parts. That is okej.. What is nooot okej is the things that lived IN THE BOX. My lovely H had been too lazy feeding the lizard so he put the box of Cockroaches underneath the terrarium. During the night my, also lovely, cats had a party and opened the box, played with the roaches and now I have no idea if they are still running around here or not. H thought they were maybe 2-3, so I think 5 :D So I will make him go roach-hunting when he gets home. Schmock :P

I don't know if it will rain or not today, weather now sux. Morning sun, afternoon rain. I have no plans for the day so it doesn't really matter to much but still sunshine has more potential then rain. Anton's baby sister Amanda has a birthday tomorrow so I should get something for her. It is not dads weekend but Anton is coming anyway, which is a good thing I think. They are still family. Thinking about waiting until H gets home. He hates shopping so it would be a good punishment for letting the roaches out :D

Dagen 167

I really feel like karma came back to fuck me.. Big time :P First I was sick as dog for like a week, almost dead. And now.. I am dead.. I got a tooth fucking my life sooo bad. I even had to go to the dentist, on a Sunday, acute. How fun is that? I hate dentists sooo bad, I really just wanted to cry. But he was sweet. He numbed the tooth and fixed it temporary. It didn't work out to good..

Monday morning I wanted to kill myself. I rather have 5 more kids, tattoo my body blue and black all over and have my whole body pierced before I get a toothache again. (or go back to thee dentist but what to do)

Monday I had my first day of work, how great is that?? I went, all drugged up, in massive pain, did some work and got back home again. (don't ask me how, it felt like I lived in Kiruna somewhere) It feels like shit but really I am in no state to care for others when all I want to do is to kill myself with an axe in the head.

I had a new date with my dentist yesterday. The penicillin had not kicked in and all he could do is give me a big examination and tell me all the things I need to have done. I am not too surprised since I have not been to a dentist in like 7 years. So now I have to just book the times and yeah... I am nooot happy.. But I have to say he was okej. They both were. I had one on sunday, Christer and then one on Tuesday Amel. So maybe it will work out. I have to do 2 (!!!!!) root canals. So I have to spend like 1.5 hoursx2 with Amel, in a chair, numbed up and opening wide. I don't do open wide, I told him that. And he just smiled..:D I was not kidding, I don't think he understood that.

Being first sick and then this has made my home look like a war-zone. It is a mystery how H can just ignore everything, just having work as an excuse. “ I am never home, this is not mine, that is yours, I haven't eaten anything”..and soo on. It would be really nice to get some help and understanding sometimes. But yeah...too much to ask for I knooow.. I wish I was a man sometimes, they get away with everything just having a dick. AND they get to stand up and piss..

A good thing in all this misery is that school is over, I passed all my classes. And it is a very, very good thing, I was nooot in any way doing more school now. I am soo sick of it. Now I will read books for fun, not on command. Biiig difference. Now I will go drink some breakfast. I don't mind, it is good. And that is the one good thing about this. I don't like to eat, anything..:D